Rachel McAdams at "The Vow" Premiere

Rule 1

When you are short in stature with wide hips, you do not want to exacerbate that with a high waisted, matronly frock.

Rule 2

What's with the two tone underneath? It looks as if you have extra flaps or those saddlebags that they put on donkeys. 

Rule 3

Those dreadful sleeves make you look like an extra in the prom scene of "It's a Wonderful Life"





In summation gown designers - please stop with the extra fabric and stop making pretty girls look like football mums on their date nights.

Golden Globes 2012 Part Two

Prom!!
 

Melissa McCarthy - I don't know why hollywood constantly has this fucking problem if you aren't a size two but stop putting BBW's in empire waists please, that shit don't flatter anyone, even the skinny bitches.

Debra Messing - It's nice but there's something i can't quite grasp, oh yeah, extra farty fabric AND the bloody fishtail..sigh

Madeline Stowe - I'll ignore the fishtail just this once but not the corset lines. What are they doing to the tits?

Julie Bowen - This isn't even high school prom, it resembles an all girls catholic school cotillion. You're usually sex on a stick lady what happened?

Zooey Deschanel - I think you're too indie hipster for your own good. Prada is for strong kick arse women like Milla Jovovich in her films, not ones who make a career out of quirky ditzes who belong in 70's vintage found at thrift shops sifting through vinyl.

Mila Kunis - What is going on with your rack?? It's a mess with the uneven sheer. The lone strap and David's Bridal bottom make this even messier. I do not "J'adore".







Love!

Missi Pyle - I actually adore this one and I often dislike yellow/chartruese/bright olive. I think it's her red luscious lips

Evan Rachel Wood - Darling I thought you've been going slightly goth lately? what's with this pale blonde fresh. cut and clean look? Fantastic frock but you need better makeup to make it work.

Meryl Streep - I must say I detest anything twangy, but beautiful Meryl, you make anything enchanting. Carefree and cool, love. 

Sarah Hyland - Gorgeous! However it'd be nicer if the belted lace we're a chocolate or rust; would have flattered you much better.

Jane Lynch - You definitely win "Most Improved" as your frocks are getting better and complement your shine.

Helen Mirren - Yes so I am biased on fantastic British women, but they are the best! This is one of your best as well, Kitten. 

Ariel Winter - Quelle surprise Mademoiselle! You look absolutely stunning and adorable! Perfect for your age. 

Michelle Williams - Lovely. Just lovely.

Kelly McDonald - Not trying to suck your arse or anyhting but damn you are beautiful, as is your glittery frock. Not too simple, not too glitzy. Brava

Blech and/or Boring

Nicole Kidman - Where i'm from back in the 80' and 90's. Mrs. The Late Run DMC used to sell handbags at an indoor flea market. You look like one of those bags. 

Seth Rogen's wife - dude, the yellow, ick, and the flappy fabric that makes you look pregnant? (the last time i saw a photo of you, you looked pregnant  as well, please get a new stylist or deliver). your face is gorgeous, next time try a plum or aubergine.

Clare Danes - I've no idea what to do with all the white on your chest, I feel as if i should put you on my five year old's easel so she can paint. You so look like you want to be there too. 

Salma Heyek - I wish the texture on the bottom had a better complement on top, i wish you had sexy dark red lips too. 

Julianna Marguiles - This colour is spectacular on you but do we have to appear as a headmistress? Show some boob next time or I'm going to start calling you Ms. Hardbroom.

Kelly Osbourne - I like the hair, I really do. That color blue however with the hella armoured shoulders and out of control mermaidness, well my dear you're minging.


Elle Macpherson - I....no.

Rooney Mara  - No, I'm sorry, You can not have "Little House" on the bottom and "Cherry 2000" on top.

Nicole Ritchie - The silver? Fabulous. The pattern? Tweed sofa in my Aunt Una's cottage.

Mary J. Blige - Love the glitter but why are you wearing a shag rug made out of hay?  

Elizabeth McGovern - Apparently Thomas did not dress you Lady Cora. (Love Downton by the way) 

Emily Deschanel - What is that? Did a werewolf attack on the way over so you were forced to tuck it in assorted places?




Final Thought

Out of the three brothers, the matriarch looks like the ugly one? 











   

 

Golden Globes 2012 part one

Yay my first awards show since i've had this idea! /cheer!!!
i am now methodically going to go through every picture i can find and rock some list!



The too much fabric players
 

Charlize Theron - looks like she has fabric tumors in front of her, vegas hooker on top, and royal wedding in back. definitely a what the fuck dress.

Sarah Michelle Gellar - love the paint in water pattern but did you really need to be tiered? yech. but as a mum myself, you get points for awesome, plus my gbf loved it, but that fag has such a hard on for you his modeling name is 'summers'

Jodie Foster - you win the award for 'most out of place in a frock'. the color is nice on you but the excess is hanging on you like it's a sad sludge monster that's melting away. hope you have a bra on.

Jessica Alba - wow, if only i can totally take a pink satin prom gown and hang dozens of chandelier earrings on it and then instead of cutting the excess fabric, i'll let it hang behind you. yeah..that's what i'll do.

What's with the bloody fishtail-you're not a bleeding mermaid!

Reese Witherspoon - i'm sorry, you can't have a beachy made up face and do primary red, plus what's with the fabric?? it's puckering so badly i keep thinking it's alive and sucking your life force.

Lea Michele - i saw that same outfit in party city for halloween last year, how more badly made can the top be?

Tina Fey - gosh woman i love you and you are one of the most intelligent and wonderful comedians and writers around but dang who convinced you to wear that?? it looks as if Target's ribbon department did.

Julianne Moore - oh, i'm sorry somebody made you wear something that makes your naturally beautiful appearance look like a biker space slut from planet terribad. 

Kate Beckinsale - why do designers still think the pointy strapless and the bottom 'extra dress triangle streamers' is flattering?

LOVE!!!! (but will still insult)

Kate Winslet - not only do i absolutely adore you (so i'm probablly biased when it comes to your fashions) but well done - sexy, sensual, and classic as always...on top. why does there have to be pucker!!! fuck sake

Madonna - the crystally capped sleeves and corset, the checkerboard, the sparklies, sqeeeeee! Madonna Sweetie Like a Prayer! towards the bottom however it looks like the picnic blanket is in the beginnings of a revolt.

Emma Stone - how did you know purple was my favourite colour?  you gorgeous Grecian goddess you.

Tilda Swinton - Edgy and ethereal: you are indeed rocking it madam. nerd reference: very Bladerunner, or some noir sci fi in general. you'd be the psycho character

Dianna Agron - you look as if somebody cut out a huge doily and wrapped it around you. still, it's lovely and hot.

Jessica Biel - Gorgeous! i just wish your skin were a bit paler in that yummyness though. i also wish i were wearing instead of you (i'm sorry love, it does not work for you atoll) reminds one of bridal couture gone mental institution.

Busy Phillips - Gosh you're just so perfect, hair, makeup, frock. woot. a bit scary Cher-y

Sophia Vergara - You know who Yemaya is? Well you invoke the "Mother of the Ocean" in all her glory baby! (stop with the fucking fishtails i beg you!)


Just Bloody Boring

Maya Rudolph - looks like men's hard case leather luggage. also, you have great boobs, don't hide them behind that silhouette.

Natalie Portman - i guess you really can't take the long island out of the girl. it's like every girl i went to prom with!

Amy Poehler - uff. do something with those sleeves. you look like an early 90's raver. (a bad one)

Naya Rivera - this goes into the poorly made category- who puts the seam in the middle front of the frock?? you look like a bedsheet.






Final Thought for part one - Why does hottie hot hottie Peter Dinkelage's wife look like a white trash hot mess? Sweetie, you COVER big arms.